In case you couldn’t deduce it from the title, I am about to tell you about my uterus. If you’re a dude, you might want to skip this one- although the information contained within could actually help you in the long run.

I’m also going to point out right now that I am not being paid or otherwise compensated for this post at all, in any form. I am just really really happy with this product and it’s changed my life and I think you might like it too. Though… if these companies did want to pay me… I wouldn’t turn it down. Just sayin.

Ok, ladies… were you aware that there is a birth control pill out there that allows you to not have a period, ever? And if you were, indeed, aware of its existence, why didn’t any of you tell me?

Ok, ok, so my tubes are tied and I don’t need the pill for its ability to make me not get pregnant; however, my periods were insanely heavy and painful and my PMS was bordering on psychosis I’m pretty sure. I decided to see a real gynecologist about this instead of my small-town family practice doctor that usually does my paps and when I told him about my insane cramps, inability to wear light colored pants, desire to rip my uterus from my own body and set it aflame, and the urge to drown kittens once a month… he told me to take Aleve.

I punched him in the face.

Not really… but do I need to tell you that wasn’t the most helpful suggestion ever? GEE, DOC. I HADN’T THOUGHT OF TAKING PAIN PILLS FOR MY PAIN.

Upon the recommendation of my mother, I went to a new gyno from Reno that comes here once a month- a real gynecologist. As in, that’s all he does: stare into vaginas all day.

He told me that it might be a good idea to put me on birth control pills.

Birth control pills? Ugh. I’d been on them in the past- over a decade ago, now. They did weird stuff to my body. They made me super hungry and even crankier than normal. Plus, my tubes are tied, so why go through all that?

He told me how much they’ve changed in the last decade. New drugs, low dose, blah blah, whatever. Just give it a try, he said. Plus, since my big problem was horrifying PMS, he suggested that we do away with my period altogether by taking this new 30 day low-dose pill called Lybrel. (It now has a generic called Amethyst- thank goodness! I have great insurance and Lybrel was still $50 a month. Amethyst is free for me.)

WHAT?! What? You can DO that? Like.. yay! But… isn’t that terrible for your body or something? We are supposed to have periods, right?

He explained to me that no, periods really aren’t necessary. Especially when you’re on the pill- the “period” that women have on the pill is actually withdrawal bleeding. During a normal menstrual cycle (as in, when you’re not on any form of hormonal birth control), the uterine lining gradually thickens and then sloughs off- that’s your period. On birth control, the hormone levels stay the same so the lining doesn’t thicken. On the placebo week of the normal pill, the hormone levels fluctuate just enough to make what lining is there, shed. That’s withdrawal bleeding, not really  a period. Lybrel and Amethyst do not have a placebo week, you continuously get a low dose of the drug all month long and then immediately start a new pack, so there’s no withdrawal days in there.

I did not know any of this. Maybe I’m an irresponsible uterus owner or something.

I agreed to give it a try.

And let me tell you.. not having a period? IS FABULOUS. No PMS either. No weird hormonal side effects. No gnawing, constant hunger (I’ve actually lost two pounds since starting it, and I haven’t been working out at all). AND NO PERIOD? Did I mention that already? If you’re about to say “But then I’d have to remember to take a pill every single day, uuuugggghhh!” I’d like to point out to you that YOU WILL NOT HAVE A PERIOD. EVER. AT ALL. That pretty much makes it worth your effort to remember, doesn’t it? Set your alarm on your phone to go off every day or something. Or just take it at bedtime, like me. I have been taking my vitamins at bedtime for the last six years, it’s habit now and adding one more pill to the mix wasn’t difficult.

So, there’s my story. I hope it actually helps some of you. It has been like getting rid of one of my biggest burdens. I am pleased.